


for want (in need) of affection.

by another_lonely_writer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Attempted Murder, Bigotry & Prejudice, Disowning, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hogwarts Era, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marriage Proposal, Miscarriage, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Running Away, but dont worry its canon, implied murder (of muggles)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/another_lonely_writer/pseuds/another_lonely_writer
Summary: The Greeks believed that there was more than just a single definition of love.The members of The Ancient and (Not So) Noble House of Black come to terms with this concept in their own unique ways....a quick character study as the First Wizarding War brews on the horizon.
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Rodolphus Lestrange, Draco Malfoy & Narcissa Black Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	for want (in need) of affection.

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 

**PHILIA**

_platonic love; the love between friends_

__

Sirius is lost. It hasn’t even been a full twenty-four hours since his life promptly went to shite. 

It only took the sorting hat 2 minutes to throw him into the lion’s den. He can still hear its bellowing voice confidently stating “Gryffindor!”

It took 20 minutes after his robes turned crimson and gold, instead of the expected silver and emerald, for his parents to find out.

It took 2 hours before the howler came. Perks of having your father be a school governor, no delays in your parents reminding you exactly how much of a disappointment you turned out to be. 

It’s not like he had a choice. He certainly didn’t ask that hat to put him in Gryffindor- then again he didn’t exactly plead to be put into Slytherin. He never gets a choice. It’s been a few years since that catastrophe. Hogwarts had become home away from home- if one could ever call Grimmauld Place home. 

**+++**

_A snarky voice calls out, all swagger and pride “Oi Black, fancy seeing one of your kind decked in red” Sirius turns towards the voice. A scrawny little boy with hair that would have his mother pitch a fit. This was great, splendid even. His shitty family reputation was ruining him before he even had the chance to settle down. Noble family his arse._

_“What in Morgana’s name do you want?” He scowls. Suddenly the boy breaks out into an impish grin,_

_“Nah, I’m just messin’ with ya, mate. My name’s James Potter, you look like the sort of person I’d like to know. This here with me is Peter- met on the train we did!” Peter stands a bit behind James, fiddling with the buttons on his robes- refusing to make eye contact. He looks as skittish as Sirius feels._

_“That was quite the howler, wouldn’t want to get on your mum’s wrong side eh Black?”_

_This boy is all smiles and witty jokes and proud candor and Sirius thinks James Potter is the kind of person he’d like to know as well._

**+++**

It was only a matter of time really. It takes a toll on you, the sneering looks, and snide comments. His parent’s contempt only worsened when _Darling Regulus_ was sorted into Slytherin. He was going to be the right sort of wizard, unlike Sirius whose very existence was a plague. Regulus could be heir to this forsaken family; he would gladly pass down his crown. He didn’t want to rule a broken legacy anyway. His whole life he had been told it was important to protect their magic from the lesser- but nothing about Lilly Evans was lesser. She was radiant and just as smart as all those pureblooded girls. She was just as beautiful. Marlene Mckinnon had half the boys lusting after her, not to mention her Quidditch skill, the fact that both her parents were muggles didn’t make her less capable. It didn’t make her any less worthy.

**+++**

_The sharp voice of his Mother stings- almost as much as that cane Father is so fond of- he notes absentmindedly. “I’ve got a disaster for a son! How could you shame us like this? Friends with Blood Traitors I could understand- nothing but the wrong sort in that place-but to sully yourself by dallying with Mudbloods!” A particularly nasty jinx sends him sprawling across the floor. A ringing noise takes over and his vision blurs- surely his mother wouldn’t actually kill him? She isn’t a complete monster-right? A weird pressure settles over his chest and a strange metallic taste envelops his tongue. Maybe Sirius should just close his eyes- maybe his Mother will leave him alone if he just falls asleep._

_He’s already received his punishment as far as he was concerned. He has been thoroughly disowned; saw his bastard of a father burn his name from the family tapestry. A wicked burning curse to ensure Sirius got the message- come to think of it, maybe that’s why he can’t feel his legs. To be honest, he doesn’t even regret it- Sirius got caught in a rather compromising position with some Ravenclaw he can’t name- maybe it was a Hufflepuff, the details are a bit fuzzy. He is sure she must have been a muggleborn; that much has been made inherently clear to him. It wouldn’t be the first time something like this has happened- but he promises himself that this is the last._

**+++**

He hadn’t a knut to his name- a name he wasn’t allowed to claim in the first place- when he showed up at the Potter’s Cottage late at night, or early morning really, he was still feeling a bit off kilter. James didn’t say anything as he helped Sirius to his bedroom and healed the rest of the welts. Mrs.Potter didn’t comment on his protruding ribcage as she silently urged him to eat a bit more. Mr. Potter didn’t even own a cane- let alone use it to discipline his children. It was nothing like Grimmauld Place- Sirius could never remember being happier.

It was the fact that despite everything his name represented he had been accepted. Acceptance is a gift he had never been given. It was the little things- the small smiles shared between the Potters, a pat on the back for a job well done. A hand raised to praise never harm. A wand pointed at his face to heal, not injure. Whatever he was interested in or did for himself wasn’t looked down upon, it’s value wasn’t measured on a scale of sacred pureblood tradition to filthy mudblood mannerisms. 

Sirius was a disgrace to the Black name; well that was fine by him. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t care for anyone who didn’t care for him. He had changed; _he was changing._ He has taken a leap of faith and the Potters were there to break his fall- his new family- if they would have him.

Ideas of what the world should be like, without restraints, without a keeper to clip every free spirit’s wings.

Remus. Peter. James. Lilly. _Moony. Wormtail. Prongs. Red._ This was the family he had chosen. This was the family that actually mattered.

Sirius looks up. They’re sitting in the Library; it’s mind-numbing but Prongs likes Evans and Evans likes books- staking out the library is only common sense. Moony is sitting next to Lily, both their heads bent over an old tome. James, Godric bless him, is trying to get their attention- a stuttering fool. He is pretending to look over Peter’s essay for him, trying to be intellectual. Snape’s always been a dab hand at potions and Lily looks at him like he’s hung the moon and painted the stars in the sky. James thinks maybe if he can get his grades up, she might look at him too- that's what McKinnon said anyways.

He must have been staring too long because suddenly Remus’ head jerks up and he looks at him- beckons to him. There’s a certain comfort that comes with their presence. Perhaps it is time for him to come to terms with the choices he has made-will continue to make. He has never felt as found- as seen as he does with his fellow Marauders. An unwavering sense of belonging overcomes him.

.

.

.

He knows this is love.

* * *

**EROS**

_romantic and sexual love; passion_

__

Andromeda knows this is dangerous, but she can’t help it. Her eyes linger on Ted Tonks. She’s settled between Bella and Cissa and hears them laugh at some inane comment that Malfoy boy makes. She chuckles and feigns interest but she’s still looking at him. She can never stop looking at him. He’s a hufflepuff, and that’s definitely the least of her problems. The Great Hall is fairly empty as most students head to their classes and Andromeda knows better, but consequences be damned because he’s still there. Laughing. Smiling. So she lingers, and she’s sure she feels her ancestors rolling in their graves; can practically hear her mother hissing in her ear. 

This is a bad idea- the absolute worst. Ted Tonks is bad news.

But it’s Teddy, her Teddy.

He shifts and their eyes lock. Andromeda thinks she forgets to breathe and Merlin help her; he's smiling at her like she’s his personal sun and Andromeda prays to gods she doesn’t believe exist.

There’s nothing dirty about a smile like that- and he should be- dirty that is.

Revolting. Disgusting. _Mudblood_.

The word makes her cringe, and the warmth of his smile turns her blood into ice and it’s wrong. She shouldn’t be the girl making him smile like that. He deserves someone who isn’t afraid to look at him. 

She can still feel the bruises Ted left last night, his fingers gripping her so tightly like he was afraid she’d run. She can still taste him. 

**+++**

_Gasps. Moans. Push. Pull. More. Ted is gripping her tight and his hands are in her hair, on her chest, grasping at her hips and pulling her close. She hitches her leg up and Ted is pushing her into the wall and oh Merlin she can’t think straight. She can never think when she’s around him. His thigh slips between her legs and slides up, up, up. Andromeda thinks she might be on fire. It’s always like this when she’s with him. Always fast and rough and she moans into his mouth, he always knows how to make her loose all semblance of control. He knows her body like it’s a fine tuned instrument made specifically for him._

**+++**

The memory of his wandering hands haunts her as she turns her attention back to the table. Bella is talking to Malfoy, something about potions and she nods along like she’s been paying attention the whole time. Like she isn’t thinking about the way Ted whispers promises of love and forever and a future so beautiful she could cry. Cissa gathers her things and starts to get up; Lucius follows at her heels.

They make a fine pair. Narcissa would make the family proud if she manages to snag Malfoy. It’d be a wedding for the ages. She can almost hear her mother’s simpering voice-

_'Only the best for my Narcissa, the true flower of our family! I always knew you’d make a fine match one day, the most beautiful of my daughters! The Malfoy’s are so influential- don’t you agree, my dear?” It shall be the wedding for the ages! Oh my flower!_

For the most part it is a good match- a great one, Cissa shall be in want of nothing and Lucius is nothing if not doting; they’ll certainly find happiness. Andromeda wants more. If loving a muggle-born is wrong, then she isn’t quite sure she ever wants to be right. She starts to get up as well, there’s only a few minutes left until double transfiguration with the Ravenclaws and Professor Mcgonagall would have her head if she’s late. 

**+++**

_Ted is close, so close and she isn’t sure where she stops and he begins. They were supposed to be on Prefect duty. He had surprised her by switching with the Prewett girl- she was only too happy to be as far from any slytherin as possible. House rivalries ran deep; Andromeda chuckles inwardly-only if that was the only issue between them. She lets her hands snake up his chest and wind into his hair- lets him suckle her throat and mark her as his. It’s a little game they play, Ted gifts her a necklace of bruises, a secret just for them. They take forever to glamor in the mornings but she wouldn’t give up his imprint for all the galleons in the world. It’s physical proof that she belongs to someone- to him._

**+++**

Now that Andromeda thinks about it, as she makes her way to class, Bella would probably end up making a fine match too, she’s always been bold. She would find a husband who would allow her the freedom she desires and give her the security a marriage would offer. Andromeda has seen the way Lestrange looks at them-looks at Bella. The way his eyes linger on her when he finds them in the library; the way he scans the quidditch pitch to make sure she’s there watching. Andromeda thinks Rodolphus Lestrange likes girls with a backbone. Mother would probably be horrified at the very notion. Lestrange is sacred twenty-eight, and maybe she’s got it wrong. Maybe that’s all that really matters.

Maybe two pureblooded princesses would be enough for Cygnus and Druella Black.

Bella would definitely call her naive. Her mother would be furious. She’d be disowned- no doubt about it. Narcissa would never look at her again. 

_‘A disgrace to the whole family!’_ her father would exclaim as he blasted her off the family tapestry. She’d be exiled like dear cousin Sirius. 

In class, she can’t seem to concentrate, conjuring up dreams of a small cottage filled with laughs of little children. A girl with her unruly hair and his eyes. A little boy with Ted’s dimples and her impatience. She’d wake up every morning wrapped up in the arms of her lover. They’d be comfortable and warm and safe. She wouldn’t have to hide- wouldn’t have to think before looking at him. Maybe she could stop feeling so guilty.

**+++**

_“Run away with me, Andy” Ted gasps into her mouth. He pulls back just enough to look into her eyes. It feels like he’s looking into her soul. He knows her. He sees her. He always sees her_

_“I’ve got some money saved up, you know I love you. I’d do anything for you Andromeda.” This isn’t the first time Ted’s asked her to marry him, but he swears he won’t stop until she says yes. “Marry me, love?” He whispers into her hair as her hands work their way under his shirt. She wants to, Morgana knows , she’d do anything for this boy._

_“Not today, Ted Tonks” She murmurs her reply and proceeds to lose herself in him._

**+++**

Next time Ted asks, Andromeda knows what her answer will be. Salazar save her, whenever she thinks about him she gets a strange warm feeling in her chest. 

.

.

.

She decides to call it love.

* * *

**STORGE**

_affection between family; the love between parent and child_

__

Narcissa has dreamed of her wedding ever since she was a little girl. The big white dress, the hundreds of guests and the faces of her proud parents. She has dreamt about the intricate details, the centerpieces and the invites. Yes, Narcissa has planned her wedding of the century down to the last stray scrap of lace but it wasn’t until recently she started dreaming about her groom. There is something about the way Lucius Malfoy carries himself, a certain regality in his cadence. She has spent her whole life knowing she was a princess, but when she sees Lucius smirk and wink, she thinks that he could make her his queen.

**+++**

_It’s getting late, she is sitting out near the lake next to Lucius, he hasn’t bothered changing his Quidditch robes. It was a close match today, Slytherin and Ravenclaw, last match of the year. Slytherin had won and Lucius should have been down in the dungeons celebrating with the rest of the team but here he is sitting next to her as if he doesn't have a care in the world. As if the rumors don’t exist- the Malfoy’s are to align themselves with a new order- like it's only her that matters. She’s seen the way Bella scampers around Lestrange, heard Yaxley talk about honor and birthright. Narcissa isn’t naive._

_“What are we going to do, Lucius” It’s less a plea and more of a statement, there’s nothing to be done really._

_“Get married of course” She blinks- once, twice._

_“Is this a proposal?”_

_“Are you saying yes?”_

_“Your Father doesn’t like me”_

_“I’m not asking you to marry my Father, Cissa”_

_“So you admit it, this is you asking! Well I admit, I’d predicted more romance involved”_

_He gives her that impish grin and she settles in closer to his chest, letting the world and all its problems fade away._

**+++**

Narcissa’s little boy is her own personal miracle. She holds her newborn close to her chest. He’s alive. She’s exhausted. She remembers the pain, the agony, but as she stares down at her child she doesn’t really care. Her darling boy. 

He’s alive. _Alive._

She can still hear her mother-in-law’s snarky voice. As if Narcissa didn’t already know how unwanted she was. She remembers the hurtful words, the strained and forced smiles. 

**+++**

_Those Blacks are insane; I told Lucius to choose a suitable bride. So many women and he has to go choose one whose name is synonymous with inbreeding. She’s a right disgrace._

_Mark my words son, she’ll ruin this whole family. The scandal surrounding her blood. What was the name of your sister dear? Andromeda was it? Running off with a mudblood, the shame!_

**+++**

The medi-witches scramble around her and she looks up to Lucius. He’s staring at her, something akin to awe in his eyes. She has a sudden itch for a camera, she knows no one would believe her when she told them Lucius Malfoy started _crying_ when his son came out kicking and screaming. He touches her arm gently and moves to take her son- their son into his arms. She can feel the universe shift around them, she knows Lucius would agree. 

“Narcissa Malfoy you are a wonder.” He breathes as he continues to stare at Draco. A small smile plays on her lips

“He’s got your nose dear, how unfortunate” He looks up sharply.

“Insult my appearance all you want witch, but our Draco is nothing but perfection”

“Of course he is! He’s half me!” She laughs, grabbing her husband and pulling him close so she can peer at her angel. 

Her little dragon is a fighter, his face is red and blotchy from wailing. Narcissa does not mind it. It is a thousand times better than the utter silence that followed her first pregnancy. The agony of pushing out a child already dead to this world. Lucius was devastated but glad she was unharmed. He held her close whispered promises of love and endearments. She just held the lifeless body of her son closer and whimpered out “Why?”

Lucius’s hold simply tightened around her in response. Pollux Malfoy was buried quietly next to the family he never got the chance to claim.

**+++**

_Absolutely useless, can’t even carry a child to term. Tell me girl, what’s the point of you if you can’t even give my son a proper heir. Abraxas dear, you should have listened to me before approving this match. You’ve always been too soft, always giving our Lucius what he wants. In my day, marriage was a duty to the family! Lucius you’ve always been too fanciful with your ideas and notions of love! Affection and sentiment could have been cultivated after you’d aligned yourself with the Professor’s daughter._

**+++**

Narcissa’s in-laws were not happy with the news.The idea of a grandchild had endeared her to them to an extent but now she was an abomination once again. She tried not to let the bitter comments get to her. They kept urging the couple to try again but Narcissa didn’t know if she could handle the loss of another child. Lucius, merlin bless him, tried his best to shield her from the scathing remarks but Narcissa wasn’t a porcelain doll. She was duty-bound. She would give her husband an heir.

Their little girl never made it past 13 weeks. Lucius said nothing as he helped her stow away all the dresses and toys they had bought for Cassiopeia Malfoy.

Altair Malfoy disappeared as soon as the young couple finally decided his name.

**+++**

_So this is how the great Malfoy dynasty ends? Perhaps it isn’t too late, that French girl is a proper sort of woman Lucius, she was younger than you. Maybe we could arrange a proper match. Nothing that can’t be sorted with the proper amount of galleons. I let this girl into our house! I let her wear our family jewels and lay claim on our family crest but Son our legacy can not- it will not- end with you!_

**+++**

Draco Lucius Malfoy. He is so small and fragile and she is terrified. His small tuft of hair is a striking pale blonde- undeniably and utterly Malfoy. A mirror of his father, Narcissa can see it as clear as day. The rumors of war and violence all fade away to a distant buzz. The terror that has been etched into her heart ever since Lucius was marked begins to ebb, she knows her husband wouldn’t misstep, not now when he has been given something so precious to protect.

As she stands proud next to her husband, she looks at the little bundle of life swaddled in the finest blankets galleons could buy. She sees him open his eyes, they are grey, the exact match to her own. In that moment, Narcissa knows she would do anything for him- for her son. She can feel the truth settle into her very bones.

.

.

.

She knows this must be love.

* * *

**MANIA**

_obsessive love; co-dependency involving violence_

__

Bellatrix is not interested. She heaves a big sigh as she flops down onto her favorite couch staring out into the lake. Narcissa is relentless, she’s never known when to quit. She’s sitting in front of the fire, a book she’s not going to read settled on her lap. Appearances are everything aren’t they? She scoffs to herself, Merlin forbid Narcissa do something for herself. Cissa has merit certainly, too bad she’s missing a backbone. If she thinks she can get her strutting peacock of a boytoy to do everything for her then she's got another thing coming.

It's hard being the only logical and sensible member of the family but someone has to do it. 

Andromeda certainly isn’t up for the role as she fools around with that mudblood. How she lets that Hufflepuff maul her is beyond Bella’s sensibilities, just thinking about someone so dirty makes her want to gag.

Yes, Bellatrix is sure she’ll be the one to make the family proud. The common room is fairly quiet this evening, a big Quidditch match on the horizon is probably to blame. So childish, the lot of them. She notices the squid peeking around the corner. He is rather ghastly. She wonders if she can convince Father to get rid of it for her.

There are far more important things to be worrying about other than the house cup and childish rivalries. Bella has heard rumors of a group, a society looking to make the world a better place. A cleaner place. 

Narcissa’s voice grates on her nerves, breaking her thoughts.

“I heard Augustus Pucey asked you out to Hogsmede this week. Bella, why do I have to learn these things from Anastasia? I’m your sister!”

**+++**

_Bellatrix tightens her cloak as she waits by the secret door by the portrait of the knight having a picnic with his lover. If Lestrange is playing her for a fool, she will make sure he regrets it. As if on cue, he emerges from the shadows and they make their way out of the castle. This isn’t the first time Bella has done this, but this is the first time she has a greater purpose. Rodolphos Lestrange has heard the same rumors she has, he agrees with them too._

_“Our world has no place for those mudbloods; waltz into the wizarding world and demand rights and equality! As if the magic is theirs to wield in the first place! Lying, thieving damned mudbloods!” His harsh words are music to her ears. Lestrange gets it. He understands._

**+++**

“Cissy has anyone told you that you talk too much? Besides, you know I'm not interested.”

In Pucey at least-that’s the problem with men isn’t it? Always thinking with their pricks. She scoffs knowing all about Pucey’s kind, he doesn’t want a wife. He wants a doll that plays dress up for him and takes care of his hellspawn. He just wants a whore to carry on his pathetic family name. Bella wants more- call her fanciful but she grew up seeing her mother command respect alongside her father. She will not settle for anything less than equality in her partner.

Pucey doesn’t see the bigger picture, doesn’t see the issue with the sheer number of halfbreeds infecting our society. Lestrange seems different somehow. She smiles as she toys with the dagger he has given her; a token of his affection- a promise of his courtship. 

**+++**

_He gave it to her last night as they returned, dirty impure blood soaking their cloaks. The high of another successful mission made her dizzy. The moonlight danced across his skin, highlighting his figure. He pulls out something from his robes- an innocuous box._

_“For you, Miss Black” The formality startles her. It is unlike him to look so serious._

_“It is uncouth of me to occupy so much of your time, a lady like yourself deserves something for the charity she has shown me. I spent hours combing through the heirlooms, and though I’m sure you’d look a vision draped in diamonds- I felt that you might appreciate this more”_

_She slowly takes the box from his hand. Inside is a beautiful knife, an intricate thing capable of damage. Obsidian black and goblin-wrought with the hilt curling up into the visage of a cobra. Deadly, the eyes are emeralds; cold and hard. Cruel. Bellatrix has never seen anything more beautiful._

**+++**

“You’re being foolish Bella! The Pucey’s are a respectable family and we should only be so lucky as to align ourselves with them, you shouldn’t have been so harsh in your rebuttal-”

“Cissy you misunderstand, I’m not interested because I’m already spoken for” Bella pointedly looks towards the blade in her hand. The Lestrange family crest gleams. Narcissa gasps.

“Is it the elder or younger of the brothers?” Her voice is hushed. “They do have a certain….reputation” For being dark wizards. For having a penchant for the darker arts. It’s rather impolite to say such things outright; much too delicate for Cissy’s sensitivities. 

Bella rolls her eyes. There is no truly dark magic. There is only power, and those too weak to seek it. All magic is grey. It’s her duty to use her superior position in society to weed out the weak links. No, she is quite sure the Wizarding World will be a better place once _He_ truly comes out to play. There are whispers of an impending war. Bella intends to be on the winning side.

**+++**

_There is something exhilarating about watching the life drain from one's eyes. To see the exact moment the breath leaves their body, never to return. The feeling makes her want to repeat the experience, over and over and over again. The power running through her veins is addicting; a rush no potion could ever replicate. She can’t wait until He agrees to see her. He, the man with a vision- the man who will lead them into a cleaner world. The Dark Lord, a wizard so powerful he makes Grindlewald look a fool! Bellatrix salivates at the thought of joining his ranks, to be worthy._

**+++**

Narcissa doesn’t know of Bella's proclivity towards the more dastardly things in life. She hasn’t the faintest idea where her ambitions lie. Her sisters just wouldn’t get it. Bella certainly doesn’t have the patience to explain. She will be the one to bring glory to the family. She can practically taste victory already. The Dark Lord will conquer- and she will be at his side- his most loyal.

A smirk plays on her face. She doesn’t have to explain anything to Rodolphus. He already knows Bella is here to serve a greater purpose. He will help her along her own path of bloodlust. 

.

.

.

She thinks she could call this love.

* * *

**AGAPE**

_selfless love; boundless compassion_

__

Regulus was 9 the first time he remembers being truly punished. He doesn’t quite remember what it was he did. He isn’t sure if it was his mother or father who delivered the due justice- but he remembers it hurt like a bitch. 

He remembers how Sirius helped him afterwards, helped him patch up his scars, showed him a few of his own. Sirius wore his scars like badges of honor, Regulus liked to pretend they didn’t exist. He remembers the first time he was disciplined, he doesn’t care to remember the countless hexes and jinxes for having the audacity to exist that haunt him for years to come.

At the age of 11, the sorting hat tries to place him in Hufflepuff. Regulus rather enjoys living and breathing and would like to continue to do and so begs to be put into Slytherin. After all, his cousin Narcissa who was just sorted before him was placed in Slytherin, if he wasn’t he should just pitch himself off the astronomy tower to save his parents the trouble. 

**+++**

_Are you sure Young Black? Are you not keen in creating your own path? Your brother seems to have fared well with the lions, but no, courage you have plenty, but it is the quiet sort. A sharp mind and quick wit- compassion! Compassion aplenty, and empathy that knows no bounds! I have seen your heart, Hufflepuff could soothe your soul, would help you on your journey. No, no dear, if you are so set against the yellow and black then it’d better be “SLYTHERIN!”_

**+++**

He lost his brother far before he was disowned. He saw Sirius laughing and joking with Potter. He sees him organizing pranks with Lupin, sees him flirting with anyone and everything. Bitterly he wonders if he could steal some of that happiness. He stalks towards the dungeon, where everyone sees his family name, sees its legacy. They never quite manage to see him. No one ever sees him.

Regulus is alone. 

He was 13 when Sirius ran away. He wonders why Sirius didn’t take him too. Sometimes when Mother and Father get into their moods- he is brought back to that haunting day. Sometimes he wonders if his brother remembers how he healed him. He wonders if his brother remembers how he almost died. Regulus smiles to himself- no point in wondering- he is sure it wouldn’t have changed a thing. Sirius has a different family now, he has James Potter, he doesn’t need another brother. He doesn’t need Regulus.

**+++**

_It’s a chilly winter morning and he is up early. He couldn’t sleep last night. Nightmares filled with obedience and skulls and death haunt his nights. As he saunters into the Great Hall, he notices Sirius is up early as well- his head stuck in a book. Maybe this is his chance, he looks around and starts to make his way to the Lion Table. Maybe Sirius knows more about these rumors and could help him. Just as he is about to reach him, Lupin’s laughter rings through the hall. Potter and Evans follow behind them bickering as usual. Regulus sees Sirius light up and practically run across the hall towards the merry band of misfits. Regulus sees Sirius run away from him._

_He thinks he may skip breakfast today after all._

**+++**

Regulus was 15 when he saw his family- his blood, take the Dark Mark. He remembers seeing the inky skull curl around Bella’s forearm. She seemed so proud. Lestrange was going to get his soon after he proudly informed the family. Regulus felt sick.

He was 16 when he followed in their footsteps. The youngest death eater in the ranks! What an honor it must be for him to be trusted by The Dark Lord! Walburga and Orion Black must be so proud! In some ways he’s glad, at least Sirius isn’t here to see the new lows this family has reached. He wonders if Sirius would’ve taken the mark to save him the trouble.

**+++**

_It burned like fiendfyre. That’s all Regulus truly remembers. The pain was crippling, none of the hundred of beatings, hexes and curses could ever compare. His skin was on fire. The sounds of someone screaming echoing the damp and darkened room. Maybe it was him. The floor etched with runes he drew with his own blood and candles flickering, laughing, mocking. He felt so empty. Regulus once experienced the cruciatus after his father had been indulging in a little too much to drink. He vaguely recalls how he thought that the curse had felt as if his skin was being ripped to shreds. He knows this is infinitely worse. Regulus can hear The Dark Lord in his head, he revels in Regulus’s pain._

_“Young Black Heir, you will make me proud”_

_Of course he will, Regulus doesn’t have any other choice. He never gets a choice._

**+++**

They captured Marlene. He knows Marlene. He played multiple Quidditch matches against Marlene. She has a pretty laugh and likes to read. She prefers coffee to tea. Marlene is his friend.

Marlene is dead.

He was the one who had to kill her.

_Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux._

That’s the mantra haunting his soul. It’s the only way to defeat this half-blooded megalomaniac. It’s pathetic. He vaguely wonders if dearest cousin Bella knows her master has dirty blood running through his veins. Would she continue to grovel at his feet? 

_Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux._

There are whispers of a prophecy, a child who will vanquish the Dark Lord, who will bring peace unto the world Regulus has helped ruin. Visions of that world, filled with goodness haunt him. Regulus wants that world, a world where he could have kept Sirius. A world where Narcissa didn’t have to worry about her husband not coming home. A world where Andromeda’s name isn’t whispered like a foul curse. A world where Bellatrix uses her passion to heal and not harm.

_Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux._

The cave is dreary, the wind howling and crying. Regulus wants to join in its sorrow. The waters are murky but he trudges forward. The locket is submerged in a potion, something he hasn’t seen before, but he knows what he must do. He grabs the goblet and tips its contents down.

It is agony.

_Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux. Destroy the horcrux._

He stares at Kreacher. If he’s being honest he’s not even sure if he’s actually there. He feels like he’s drowning; or maybe he’s burning. Regulus is sure of one thing however, when someone would question his motivation, he knows the correct answer-

.

.

.

He did it for love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my beta for helping me turn all my rambling thoughts into a coherent written piece, eggspeliarmus  
> 


End file.
